Growth Through Disagreement
When interacting with others, it is important to always remember: everyone sees the world from a unique perspective. This can often lead to disagreements and hurt feelings.
However, disagreements can be very helpful and is a healthy part of all relationships. It helps us grow and become more understanding of others if we engage with it in a constructive manner. And if seen constructively, disagreements can lead to an improved relationship and present unique opportunities to grow.
Steps
When disagreements arises, it is important to remember the following steps to find resolution [1, 2]:
First do this work internally:
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- identify the specific discordant feelings you have.
- explore the underlying thoughts that are causing the feeling.
- re-frame the thoughts into a more positive orientation that inspire feelings of empowerment, cooperation, and understanding.
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Now that you are more empowered, all communication will become more productive and pleasant. Follow the following steps with the person you are disagreeing with to create a positive resolution:
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- define the issue at hand
- explore the underlying needs you both want fulfilled
- propose possible solutions
- select one that is mutually agreeable
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It is essential to find a mutually agreeable solution. If someone “wins” and another “loses“, both have lost. Seek instead a win-win outcome. The inability to find a truly mutually beneficial solution is merely a lack of adequately employing your imagination. There really are unlimited possibilities.
Strategy
When in a tense situation, it is also wise to remember how to treat someone acting aggressively or defensively. Remember, you care for this person but merely have different perspectives.
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- communicate calmly and respectfully
- listen; seek to understand before seeking to be understood
- apologize for your errors
- forgive the mistakes of others
- seek a win-win outcome
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